Hook 'Em Boys

Team Frog Killer vs. Freaky Deaky
After another heartbreaking loss for Freaky Deaky, owner Brett Miles was in need of a pep talk. “I am so sick and tired of fantasy football. It is spilling over into work and causing problems with my girlfriend now,” said Miles. How so? “Well I turned down a blow job from my girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls.” Holy Shit man! Well I have some advice for you, if you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you? “Yeah, probably,” claimed Miles. Fair Enough.

Miles takes his 1-4 record against Beau Brooks 1-4 Frog Killers this week without Chris Johnson and Larry Johnson. Brooks has a full roster again this week and should have a good game. Even with 1-4 record Brooks has refused to back down on numerous trade demands, “I really don’t have time to research any fantasy stuff, so I probably won’t trade even if it helps my team tremendously.” At some point the fantasy Gods will strike down on the Frog Killers for fantasy indifference. I think the Gods will be generous to the Frog Killers this week and grant him a victory .

Austin TX Baby Heavy Hitters vs. Cobra Kai
After a huge upset last week to a 37 pt underdog Hitters owner Trey Fly has a dirty taste in his mouth. This week he takes on the #1 team in The Carter III, David Rambie.

“I really need to fuck somebody,” asserted Fly. Dude, you don't need to put your P in a V right now. You just need to strap in and make some trades to get you on track. I have some players available!
“No I dont, I need to B my L on someone's T's. I am not looking for something serious, just sexual activity,” exclaimed Fly.

As interesting as that is, I just don’t see how that is relevant. I am all for camaraderie, but your sex life is really none of my concern.
We are all excited about this week’s TX/OU game and no one more than David Rambie. I caught up with David to see how he is preparing for the game this week.

“Dude, I got some herbaceous fruit this week from my buddy and it is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that African Kush I had--and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked--this would the shit that they birthed.”

Well it is going to take that type of concoction for the Heavy Hitters to take down the Cobra Kai. The Kai have a destructive force going and disrupting it at this point would be a bad idea. Even without long bomb receiver Lee Evans, the Kai look too much to handle for the Hitters this week.

Chaos Theory vs. Team Hughes
All the plans leading up to the big day, all the hours spent not accepting trades, waiting for Darren McFadden, Will Denton pondered his future. “Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our relationship is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love,” said Hard Hittin’. We all knew Will was a tough guy but this is a very sensitive side that most didn’t know he had.

“I remember the FIJI hazing and Denton crying in the corner, but it’s not like we did anything tough like the SAE’s. Usually we just had to drive to San Marcos and go shopping at the Polo Outlet for the Pledge Leaders,” recalled Team Hughes. “But if there is one thing the FIJI’s taught is was that marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever. Make sure you are ready for that. So when you are seniors find that new un-popped freshman and start controlling her mind. It will work wonders in the future.”

So many great things about this match-up-I believe Denton has the more complete team, but Hughes has the most potential for big games. That showed last week when Reggie Bush went off for 35 points which included two punt returns for TD’s. I believe Peyton Manning is starting to hit his stride. I know the projectios call for a Chaos victory, but I believe chaos continues and Denton is handed another harsh loss.

Team Awesome vs. Silky O’Sullivans
Ever since Rider was a little boy living over on Purdue block in the Hood of HP, he always had this secret. He didn’t tell many people, but I was lucky enough to have an exclusive about his secret.
Knouse: When I was a little kid, I kinda had this problem. And it's not even that big of a deal, something like 8 percent of kids do it. For some reason, I don't know why. I would just kinda... sit around all day... and draw pictures of dicks. I'd just sit there hours on end drawing dicks. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't touch the pen to the paper without drawing the shape of a penis.
Vitty: That's fucked.
Knouse: No shit. It's really fucked up. Here I am. A little kid. And I can't stop drawing dicks to save my own life. Your precious little Becca sat next to me for all of fourth grade. And in the classroom was where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation. Even I thought I was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think? So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. So one day, I'm finishing up this real big, veiny, triumphant bastard, all of a sudden... She starts crying, she flips out. Then she rats me out to the principal. He finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is a religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. My parents go make me see some therapist, and he's asking me all these dick questions. They literally stopped me from eating foods that were shaped like dicks. No hot dogs, no popsicles... You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.
Vitty: Well, I don't... That's really messed up. Supergay.

Unfortunately, Knouse may have the last laugh in this because of an atypical trade from Chris Vittetoe which featured Reggie Wayne for Willie Parker. Vitty will have to wait an extra week in order to unveil Fast Willie and it will probably hurt him in the end. The patented name change to start a series of wins may come to an end this week. This should be a low scoring game but expect a big game from all QBs in this matchup.

SA El Squid Row vs. TX Torpedoes
After struggling over the past couple of weeks without a roommate TX Torpedoes owner Danny Brosseau has been searching for friends. “How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back,” Brosseau stated to Asher.
“Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friends. You are my dealer. The only reason I know you is because I like the shit you sell. If you didn't sell the shit, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic!” claimed Reilly.

Brosseau is expected to crush El Squid this week and I don’t see why not. Brosseau keeps taking out his frustration on the opponents and lets his talking speak between the fantasy lines. We are still waiting for Brosseau to go postal one of these days, but he may win the fantasy trophy before that happens. It is still early but Brosseau has most of the top players at all positions. He refuses to trade and will lhave to ive and die by his decisions.